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THE GRASS IS BROWN ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE

“Body Business” PBL Productions part 3

Brian has plummeted from the top of the bridge, yet when he hits the water his body doesn’t even break the surface and lies on top instead. Maybe the producers wanted to keep Brian alive in case there was to be a sequel. Cut back to Nick who has watched Brian go the whole nine yards. Maybe the distraction is responsible for the three-remaining fingertip’s ability to continue to retain their purchase on the edge of the bridge. Nick then manages to scramble up to safety on top of the bridge. He then lies down, exhausted, with his arm across his eyes and says ‘you are definitely getting too old for this.’ Although Nick has had a hell of a day it’s not over yet. By the time he climbs down from the bridge and gets back to the forecourt, the fashion parade is again in full swing. Due to the sensational frocks that feature in Nick’s dynamic new season’s range, everyone has forgotten about Brian’s earlier sniper bullets that had claimed one life and injured two others. Jane Menelaus’ character is so grateful Nick has saved her son from being sacrificed, that she asks to be forgiven for ever having doubted him. She then sees the blood on Nick’s shirt and informs him that he has been hurt. Nick has temporarily forgotten that he was on the receiving end of a bullet from a 44 Magnum. He is reminded of this when he sees the blood dripping onto his shoes. He replies that - yes, he knows he has been hurt but everything is hunky dory because he has rung himself an ambulance.

Except for the explanation of the feat of the fingertips.
How did I, in reality, manage to pull off the incredible hanging by my fingertips feat?

Easy. I was lying flat on my stomach with the harbour and its yachts and ferries projected onto the wall behind me. I was safe. So safe that there is even one out-take of me miming playing the piano. When you are hanging off a bridge, that requires fortitude. Then I really push the boundaries in another out-take when I give my fingertips a break by taking time out to scratch my nose.

When you use this back-projection technique it can throw up other problems. Like if in reality I’m lying down, rather than actually dangling, gravity comes into play. Gary Sweet for instance. who on screen is seen to be kneeling above me - is in fact peering at me over the edge of the platform that I’m lying on. This presents a problem. How do I grab his tie that is not dangling down towards me, but is obeying the laws of gravity and is pressed up against his shirtfront? Answer to the problem? Thread the tie with wire so that it sticks straight out in front of him. That done, Gary is now walking around the set with what looks like a small diving board protruding from under his Adam’s apple. The problem with me is the reverse. My shoelaces have to be wired so that they poke out sideways from my shoes. But on film they will look as if they are naturally hanging down. By the time these problems have been rectified it is time for lunch. Gary has difficulty seeing what’s being served as he has to peer under and around his horizontal tie. While my shoelaces are at an equally ridiculous angle, as they are poking straight up from my shoes. Proof yet again that if you are going to be an actor you have to be prepared to make an absolute fool of yourself.

Body Business went to air in a non-rating period. It is probably the only expensive Australian production to ever have done so. No critic ever reviewed Body Business and where is it now? God knows. It’s like it never existed.
But for those involved it was great fun and a wild ride.

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