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THE GRASS IS BROWN ON BOTH SIDES OF THE FENCE

Seven Days in the Mouth of the Lion (part 5)

Any relaxation I had hoped to bring to this meeting had, just like that kid, evaporated. This time there were less people attending than previously. James was there and the director, who was wearing his surly disposition yet again. I guess we all knew the writing was on the wall and there were other places that we could all be. I went through the piece; the words had been through so much that they now tasted like poison to me and must have sounded battered and bruised to everyone present. I was asked to do the audition once more. I did then Shoes re-entered, and I was asked to wait outside. I went to the door, and feeling the need to say something, I turned to the room:

‘Over the weekend, I had watched Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman and if you think he had a cathartic weekend, you should have been a fly on the wall and seen mine.’ I then thanked them for their time and went to open the door thinking --- free at last.

Wishful thinking. The fucking door wouldn’t open. Was it locked? I could not believe it and was about to chew my way through it, when someone came to my assistance. As he fiddled with the door, he went on to say that for some reason this door did this from time to time, and had done for so long, that even Louis used to complain about it. ‘Louis?’ I said. I then pointed to the floor and looked back at James and the others. They stared at me until they realised that I was asking if this used to be Louis B Mayer’s office. James was the first to nod his head. What had this room seen in its time?

One that sprung to mind was, it was in this room that a conspiracy that saved Clark Gable’s career was put in place. Clark Gable, driving his car pissed, had hit and killed a pedestrian. A meeting had taken place in Mayer’s office. Present were the representatives of the law and head of MGM publicity and Mayer. Between them it was arranged for another MGM employee to take the rap in Gable’s place. The fall guy was to receive 12 year’s jail for manslaughter and on his release, was guaranteed lifetime employment at MGM.

Get me out of here. The guy fiddling with the lock met with some success, the door opened, and I was free at last. I waited outside. Not long after Shoes emerged and took me back to her office where she told me that James thought that I was really talented and he knew an agency he would recommend me to. It was a small agency, but was very good and handled people like Geena Davis.

Shoes then told me to get back in touch with her in a few weeks when what had happened had settled down, and she would make arrangements for me to meet with the agency. All I could think of at this time was, what was it that James had seen, that made him think I was talented??

I never did follow up on it. I didn’t dismiss the offer out of hand. It was there on the back burner of my mind when I was back in LA within the month, for the auction that included my huge Western poster. Ironically the auction room was not that far from the old MGM studios. But being so close to it brought back all those audition memories and reinforced my belief that I was definitely not suited to the Hollywood system. In knowing that, I never got in touch with Shoes to set up an appointment with the agent that James L Brooks was going to recommend me to.

The night before the poster auction, I had a drink at a party with an Australian actor who had been living in LA for the last ten years. He had pulled a few minor parts in films but was still striving to make his mark.

My story of the auditions had been as I predicted, a hit at dinner parties back home. I had told it so often by now it was well honed, so I was quite confident of a favourable reaction from the Australian actor when I told him about auditioning for James L Brooks.
Wrong. When I finished, the actor looked at me with a mix of disbelief and pure hatred. But the pine log that broke his camel’s back was when I related to him how, in spite of everything, James Brooks had offered to recommend me to a Hollywood Agency. My now to be ex acquaintance stood up and walked away from me. I knew then and there that he would never speak to me again. It was my fault and I felt bad to have been so dismissive of something that the actor would have given his eyeteeth for.

A couple of years later I read the following in a George Clooney interview. It is in regard to the arrogance and rudeness of the producer director Ed Weinberger, who was also at the helm of my auditions.

This is an excerpt from an article in Vanity Fair.
George had hit bottom while working on a truly awful series produced by Ed Weinberger whom Clooney calls ‘a man who systematically destroys people and bragged about it. There is meanness about him that I had never seen before. It was a tense miserable place to work. At some point I said - Don’t you ever talk to these people like that again. Forget that you are the executive producer. Who could fire me because my job’s now out the window. You have nothing over me now. Now I own you. Now I’m bigger than you are. He called up the ABC and said that I was physically threatening him because I was standing in front of him. He hadn’t had anyone stand up to him in his life, you know. That was the literally the day that changed my life. I changed everything from that point on.’

Good for you Georgie boy.

How can a director and producer win nine Emmy Awards for comedy shows like The Mary Tyler More Show, Taxi, The Cosby Show??
How the hell can you weave magic in a working atmosphere as described by George Clooney.
Having been there to experience it myself I find it hard to believe that it’s even possible.

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